I Thought it Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

Author: Brene Brown

Pages: 285

Rating: PG-13 - There is a bit of language on occasion.

Summary: We live in a culture that tells us we must reject our bodies, reject our authentic stories, and ultimately reject our true selves in order to fit in and be accepted. After talking to hundreds of women and therapists, Dr. Brown illuminates the myriad shaming influences that dominate our culture, and explains why we are all vulnerable to shame.

Outlining an empowering new approach that dispels judgment and awakens us to the genuine acceptance of ourselves and others, I Thought It Was Just Me begins a crucial new dialogue of hope. Through potent personal narratives and examples from real women, Brown identifies and explains four key elements that allow women to transform their shame into courage, compassion, and connection. Shame is a dark and sad place in which to live a life, keeping us from connecting fully to our loved ones and being the women we were menat to be. But learning how to understand shame's influence and move through it toward full acceptance of ourselves and others takes away much of shame's power to harm.

It's not just you, you're not alone, and if you fight the daily battle of feeling like you are -- somehow -- just not "enough," you owe it to yourself to read this book and discover your infinite possibilities as a human being.

My Thoughts: I really loved this book. As a person who has always struggled with connecting well with others, this book gave me some of the reasons why that might be, and some ideas on how to connect even when I don't feel like I know how. It also really opened my eyes to some of the things from my past and my childhood that I may be harboring shame about, which can negatively effect the way I interact with people now. I took screenshot after screenshot of pages of this book so I can review much of it. SO good. Want to know how to respond with empathy when you haven't had the same experience as someone else? Read this book. Want to know how to deal with it when you have a shame experience? Read this book. Want to know how to get better at dealing with shame? Read this book. Want to learn the difference between guilt and shame? You got it, read this book.

Many of us probably think that shame is a good thing, especially when it comes to teaching and parenting. Don't we want our kids to feel shame when they do something wrong? The answer is actually no. We want them to feel GUILT, not SHAME. Guilt is "I did something bad" and shame is "I am a bad person." We don't want to make anyone feel like there is something inherently wrong with them.

This book explores 12 categories where women typically experience shame: appearance and body image, motherhood, family, parenting, money and work, mental and physical health, sex, aging, religion, being stereotyped and labeled, speaking out and surviving trauma. Then Dr. Brown gives you some tools and ideas of what to do when you are experiencing shame in any one of these areas. There are also sections discussing addiction and shame, religion and shame (and how being a spiritual person, connected with God, helps with shame, regardless of whether or not you are a member of an organized religion).

There was also a brief section towards the end that explored how men experience shame about different things and how that works for them. I searched but didn't find that she has written a separate book about men quite yet, but I hope that is eventually coming! I found this book enlightening, empowering, and so helpful in my quest to love and accept others and myself more freely.