Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

Author: Pamela Druckerman

Pages: 263

Rating: PG

Summary: 
When American journalist Pamela Druckerman had a baby in Paris, she didn't aspire to become a "French parent." But she noticed that French children slept through the night by two or three months old. They ate braised leeks. They played by themselves while their parents sipped coffee. And yet French kids were still boisterous, curious, and creative. Why? How?
         
With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag, Druckerman set out to investigate—and wound up sparking a national debate on parenting. Researched over three years and written in her warm, funny voice, Bringing Up Bébé is deeply wise, charmingly told, and destined to become a classic resource for American parents

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this book! It's a fun, easy read, relatable, and super interesting. I felt like Druckerman did a really good job of bringing out the good in French parenting, but not acting like French parents are all-around completely superior. There were a number of things that the French are not so good at - for example, it's almost unheard of for a baby to still be breastfeeding past the age of about 3 months in France. Despite all the sound research on the benefits of breastfeeding, the French still view it as something only the peasants do, and completely unnecessary for their children. If you go to the doctor with a complain of cracked nipples or clogged ducts, he's most likely to advise you to switch to formula. There are other things the French aren't as great at, and that's ok. No society has perfected parenting (at least, not that I know of).

However, I really got a lot of great little gems out of this book, particularly the part about how French babies are almost universally sleeping through the night by 3 months (and how they manage that). I also really loved the part about how French parents see the wisdom in separating yourself from your children a little bit, and mom's feel no guilt whatsoever about taking time for themselves and to improve their relationship with their significant other. They are unapologetic about needing "adult time."

I also loved the ideas presented about how to get kids to eat just about anything (as French kids do) and how to set firm, loving limits, and stick to them, while allowing a large amount of freedom within those limits. There are a lot of good, basic, parenting strategies in this book and I loved reading about them.

As with all parenting books, you take what you like and leave the rest, and I didn't feel as if Druckerman was trying to argue persuasively that we all need to be more French in our parenting in every single way. She herself has not fully adopted every aspect of French parenting, which I see as a good thing. But I really loved the way the ideas were presented and I'm adding a few of them to my personal parenting toolbelt.

One of my personal favorites is that the French view "discipline" as not a punishment/reward type system, but more like an education. They always say that they are teaching the child, educating him on what is proper and what is not. Being in this mindset of "they don't know any better, they need to be taught" has helped me be more patient with little problems. Kids are like aliens. They don't come into this world automatically understanding the world and how it works. We have to teach them. I think that's my biggest takeaway. 

The Importance of Being Little: What Preschoolers Really Need from Grownups

Author: Erika Christakis

Pages: 299

Rating: G

Summary:
To a four-year-old watching bulldozers at a construction site or chasing butterflies in flight, the world is awash with promise. Little children come into the world hardwired to learn in virtually any setting and about any matter. Yet in today’s preschool and kindergarten classrooms, learning has been reduced to scripted lessons and suspect metrics that too often undervalue a child’s intelligence while overtaxing the child’s growing brain. These mismatched expectations wreak havoc on the family: parents fear that if they choose the “wrong” program, their child won’t get into the “right” college. But Yale early childhood expert Erika Christakis says our fears are wildly misplaced. Our anxiety about preparing and safeguarding our children’s future seems to have reached a fever pitch at a time when, ironically, science gives us more certainty than ever before that young children are exceptionally strong thinkers.
            In her pathbreaking book, Christakis explains what it’s like to be a young child in America today, in a world designed by and for adults, where we have confused schooling with learning. She offers real-life solutions to real-life issues, with nuance and direction that takes us far beyond the usual prescriptions for fewer tests, more play. She looks at children’s use of language, their artistic expressions, the way their imaginations grow, and how they build deep emotional bonds to stretch the boundaries of their small worlds. Rather than clutter their worlds with more and more stuff, sometimes the wisest course for us is to learn how to get out of their way.
            Christakis’s message is energizing and reassuring: young children are inherently powerful, and they (and their parents) will flourish when we learn new ways of restoring the vital early learning environment to one that is best suited to the littlest learners. This bold and pragmatic challenge to the conventional wisdom peels back the mystery of childhood, revealing a place that’s rich with possibility.

My Thoughts: I found this book to be completely fascinating. The summary above gives a really good description of what you can find in this book, although I did feel at the end that the author spent much more time discussing what NOT to do than she did giving solutions of what we SHOULD do. Partly because what we SHOULD be doing is so difficult to quantify, evaluate, and standardize.

I did appreciate that she brings up the idea that just because children are small does not mean that they don't deserve a quality preschool program, and that's even harder to find than a high quality public school, given that preschool teachers are even more poorly compensated than their K-12 counterparts. Then there's the ever present question of when does "preschool" become just "daycare"?

 I bookmarked a million pages in this book, because there was a lot I wanted to remember. For example, this quote "a teacher's educational level and licensure, preschool class size, and teacher to student ratio have only a limited and indirect effect on preschool quality, whereas a warm, responsive teaching style and knowledge of child development...have a direct positive impact on learning." (pg 20)

Another interesting point was the importance of just watching and observing our children. "It's essential to put the gadgets away, dispense with the educational work sheets and the beginner readers...and simply get down on the floor to watch quietly." (pg 56) It's important to interact with children on their terms, to let them tell us about their world, and without foisting our own expectations on them or their experiences. This part made me think of Mr. Rogers, who was somewhat of an expert at this."Loving, unjudgmental observation can help us guide children into the optimal learning zone, where we can see their vitality and power."

There's so much more that I gleaned from this book, and I think it was really useful as a parent and as a former (and possibly future) educator. I highly recommend this, if only to get your wheels turning a little bit about what you teach and WHY. 

I Thought it Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

Author: Brene Brown

Pages: 285

Rating: PG-13 - There is a bit of language on occasion.

Summary: We live in a culture that tells us we must reject our bodies, reject our authentic stories, and ultimately reject our true selves in order to fit in and be accepted. After talking to hundreds of women and therapists, Dr. Brown illuminates the myriad shaming influences that dominate our culture, and explains why we are all vulnerable to shame.

Outlining an empowering new approach that dispels judgment and awakens us to the genuine acceptance of ourselves and others, I Thought It Was Just Me begins a crucial new dialogue of hope. Through potent personal narratives and examples from real women, Brown identifies and explains four key elements that allow women to transform their shame into courage, compassion, and connection. Shame is a dark and sad place in which to live a life, keeping us from connecting fully to our loved ones and being the women we were menat to be. But learning how to understand shame's influence and move through it toward full acceptance of ourselves and others takes away much of shame's power to harm.

It's not just you, you're not alone, and if you fight the daily battle of feeling like you are -- somehow -- just not "enough," you owe it to yourself to read this book and discover your infinite possibilities as a human being.

My Thoughts: I really loved this book. As a person who has always struggled with connecting well with others, this book gave me some of the reasons why that might be, and some ideas on how to connect even when I don't feel like I know how. It also really opened my eyes to some of the things from my past and my childhood that I may be harboring shame about, which can negatively effect the way I interact with people now. I took screenshot after screenshot of pages of this book so I can review much of it. SO good. Want to know how to respond with empathy when you haven't had the same experience as someone else? Read this book. Want to know how to deal with it when you have a shame experience? Read this book. Want to know how to get better at dealing with shame? Read this book. Want to learn the difference between guilt and shame? You got it, read this book.

Many of us probably think that shame is a good thing, especially when it comes to teaching and parenting. Don't we want our kids to feel shame when they do something wrong? The answer is actually no. We want them to feel GUILT, not SHAME. Guilt is "I did something bad" and shame is "I am a bad person." We don't want to make anyone feel like there is something inherently wrong with them.

This book explores 12 categories where women typically experience shame: appearance and body image, motherhood, family, parenting, money and work, mental and physical health, sex, aging, religion, being stereotyped and labeled, speaking out and surviving trauma. Then Dr. Brown gives you some tools and ideas of what to do when you are experiencing shame in any one of these areas. There are also sections discussing addiction and shame, religion and shame (and how being a spiritual person, connected with God, helps with shame, regardless of whether or not you are a member of an organized religion).

There was also a brief section towards the end that explored how men experience shame about different things and how that works for them. I searched but didn't find that she has written a separate book about men quite yet, but I hope that is eventually coming! I found this book enlightening, empowering, and so helpful in my quest to love and accept others and myself more freely.