Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

Author: Pamela Druckerman

Pages: 263

Rating: PG

Summary: 
When American journalist Pamela Druckerman had a baby in Paris, she didn't aspire to become a "French parent." But she noticed that French children slept through the night by two or three months old. They ate braised leeks. They played by themselves while their parents sipped coffee. And yet French kids were still boisterous, curious, and creative. Why? How?
         
With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag, Druckerman set out to investigate—and wound up sparking a national debate on parenting. Researched over three years and written in her warm, funny voice, Bringing Up Bébé is deeply wise, charmingly told, and destined to become a classic resource for American parents

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this book! It's a fun, easy read, relatable, and super interesting. I felt like Druckerman did a really good job of bringing out the good in French parenting, but not acting like French parents are all-around completely superior. There were a number of things that the French are not so good at - for example, it's almost unheard of for a baby to still be breastfeeding past the age of about 3 months in France. Despite all the sound research on the benefits of breastfeeding, the French still view it as something only the peasants do, and completely unnecessary for their children. If you go to the doctor with a complain of cracked nipples or clogged ducts, he's most likely to advise you to switch to formula. There are other things the French aren't as great at, and that's ok. No society has perfected parenting (at least, not that I know of).

However, I really got a lot of great little gems out of this book, particularly the part about how French babies are almost universally sleeping through the night by 3 months (and how they manage that). I also really loved the part about how French parents see the wisdom in separating yourself from your children a little bit, and mom's feel no guilt whatsoever about taking time for themselves and to improve their relationship with their significant other. They are unapologetic about needing "adult time."

I also loved the ideas presented about how to get kids to eat just about anything (as French kids do) and how to set firm, loving limits, and stick to them, while allowing a large amount of freedom within those limits. There are a lot of good, basic, parenting strategies in this book and I loved reading about them.

As with all parenting books, you take what you like and leave the rest, and I didn't feel as if Druckerman was trying to argue persuasively that we all need to be more French in our parenting in every single way. She herself has not fully adopted every aspect of French parenting, which I see as a good thing. But I really loved the way the ideas were presented and I'm adding a few of them to my personal parenting toolbelt.

One of my personal favorites is that the French view "discipline" as not a punishment/reward type system, but more like an education. They always say that they are teaching the child, educating him on what is proper and what is not. Being in this mindset of "they don't know any better, they need to be taught" has helped me be more patient with little problems. Kids are like aliens. They don't come into this world automatically understanding the world and how it works. We have to teach them. I think that's my biggest takeaway. 

The Importance of Being Little: What Preschoolers Really Need from Grownups

Author: Erika Christakis

Pages: 299

Rating: G

Summary:
To a four-year-old watching bulldozers at a construction site or chasing butterflies in flight, the world is awash with promise. Little children come into the world hardwired to learn in virtually any setting and about any matter. Yet in today’s preschool and kindergarten classrooms, learning has been reduced to scripted lessons and suspect metrics that too often undervalue a child’s intelligence while overtaxing the child’s growing brain. These mismatched expectations wreak havoc on the family: parents fear that if they choose the “wrong” program, their child won’t get into the “right” college. But Yale early childhood expert Erika Christakis says our fears are wildly misplaced. Our anxiety about preparing and safeguarding our children’s future seems to have reached a fever pitch at a time when, ironically, science gives us more certainty than ever before that young children are exceptionally strong thinkers.
            In her pathbreaking book, Christakis explains what it’s like to be a young child in America today, in a world designed by and for adults, where we have confused schooling with learning. She offers real-life solutions to real-life issues, with nuance and direction that takes us far beyond the usual prescriptions for fewer tests, more play. She looks at children’s use of language, their artistic expressions, the way their imaginations grow, and how they build deep emotional bonds to stretch the boundaries of their small worlds. Rather than clutter their worlds with more and more stuff, sometimes the wisest course for us is to learn how to get out of their way.
            Christakis’s message is energizing and reassuring: young children are inherently powerful, and they (and their parents) will flourish when we learn new ways of restoring the vital early learning environment to one that is best suited to the littlest learners. This bold and pragmatic challenge to the conventional wisdom peels back the mystery of childhood, revealing a place that’s rich with possibility.

My Thoughts: I found this book to be completely fascinating. The summary above gives a really good description of what you can find in this book, although I did feel at the end that the author spent much more time discussing what NOT to do than she did giving solutions of what we SHOULD do. Partly because what we SHOULD be doing is so difficult to quantify, evaluate, and standardize.

I did appreciate that she brings up the idea that just because children are small does not mean that they don't deserve a quality preschool program, and that's even harder to find than a high quality public school, given that preschool teachers are even more poorly compensated than their K-12 counterparts. Then there's the ever present question of when does "preschool" become just "daycare"?

 I bookmarked a million pages in this book, because there was a lot I wanted to remember. For example, this quote "a teacher's educational level and licensure, preschool class size, and teacher to student ratio have only a limited and indirect effect on preschool quality, whereas a warm, responsive teaching style and knowledge of child development...have a direct positive impact on learning." (pg 20)

Another interesting point was the importance of just watching and observing our children. "It's essential to put the gadgets away, dispense with the educational work sheets and the beginner readers...and simply get down on the floor to watch quietly." (pg 56) It's important to interact with children on their terms, to let them tell us about their world, and without foisting our own expectations on them or their experiences. This part made me think of Mr. Rogers, who was somewhat of an expert at this."Loving, unjudgmental observation can help us guide children into the optimal learning zone, where we can see their vitality and power."

There's so much more that I gleaned from this book, and I think it was really useful as a parent and as a former (and possibly future) educator. I highly recommend this, if only to get your wheels turning a little bit about what you teach and WHY. 

The Smartest Kids in the World: And How They Got That Way

Author: Amanda Ripley

Pages: 232

Rating: G

Summary:
How do other countries create “smarter” kids? What is it like to be a child in the world’s new education superpowers? The Smartest Kids in the World “gets well beneath the glossy surfaces of these foreign cultures and manages to make our own culture look newly strange....The question is whether the startling perspective provided by this masterly book can also generate the will to make changes” (The New York Times Book Review).

In a handful of nations, virtually all children are learning to make complex arguments and solve problems they’ve never seen before. They are learning to think, in other words, and to thrive in the modern economy. Inspired to find answers for our own children, author and Time magazine journalist Amanda Ripley follows three Americans embed­ded in these countries for one year. Kim, fifteen, raises $10,000 so she can move from Oklahoma to Finland; Eric, eighteen, trades his high-achieving Minnesota suburb for a booming city in South Korea; and Tom, seventeen, leaves a historic Pennsylvania village for Poland.

Through these young informants, Ripley meets battle-scarred reformers, sleep-deprived zombie students, and a teacher who earns $4 million a year. Their stories, along with groundbreaking research into learning in other cultures, reveal a pattern of startling transformation: none of these countries had many “smart” kids a few decades ago. Things had changed. Teaching had become more rigorous; parents had focused on things that mattered; and children had bought into the promise of education.

My Thoughts: This book was incredible. I can hold my own in a heated conversation about what is wrong with the education system in our country. I have a lot of opinions and thoughts on the subject, so this book was right up my alley. Interestingly enough, this book didn't affirm all the opinions I already have. In fact, it challenged some of my ideas, and maybe even changed some of them!

For example, academic achievement actually has LESS to do with socioeconomic status and parent involvement than we may have thought. Yes, those things matter, but the author found that children living in poverty in Poland are still performing better than children in the US who live in similar conditions. A teacher in Finland says he tries as much as possible to ignore the various challenges of each student, because he finds when he treats them all the same, they tend to perform much better.

Other questions this book brought to light - In America, are we actually spending TOO MUCH on technology and other classroom toys that don't seem to actually make any kind of difference? Do we allow our schools to spend too much money and time on sports, instead of academics? Do we churn out too many teachers who aren't really all that qualified? What would happen if we truly had a common standard across the US of what kids should know in each grade? What would happen if instead of dumbing everything down, we instead increased rigor and expected MORE of our students?

One quote I loved towards the end "High school in Finland, Korea, and Poland had a purpose, just like high school football practice in America. There was a big, important contest at the end, and the score counted."

A fascinating aspect of a Finnish education was that almost half of kids there have received special education services by the time they turn 17. Children in special ed are seen as having temporary problems, not permanent setbacks, and all kids can improve. This actually reminded me of the attitude we had at the school I worked at for years. I worked helping kids who didn't qualify for special ed, but still needed help. Our goal was to get them out of our program as soon as possible. And not in like a hooray we got rid of that kid type of way, no. We saw it as they graduated and no longer needed our help and that was always a huge victory.

Lest you think this is just a book to make you feel worse about our education system, there's a handy appendix in the back listing things to look for in a good school. I found that really helpful and interesting, as actually most of the ideas are ones that I would not have considered.

I feel like this book should be required of every teacher, parent, administrator, and lawmaker! You won't regret reading this one, and it's not full of technical scientific jargon. I found it easy to read and keep reading. I was finished with it in 2 days.

The Inner Game of Music

Author: Barry Green with W. Timothy Gallwey
Pages: 221
Rating: Non-fiction - G

Summary:
The Inner Game of Music is that which takes place in the mind, played against such elusive opponents as nervousness, self-doubt, and fear of failure. Using the same principles of “natural learning” Timothy Gallwey developed so successfully for tennis, golf and skiing and applying them to his own field, noted musician Barry Green shows how to acknowledge and overcome these internal obstacles in order to bring a new quality to the experience and learning of music. And for those who don’t play an instrument but who feel their appreciation of music will be enhanced if they understand more about the process of playing, this book is ideal.

In precise, easy to understand language, Green and Gallwey explain how natural skills can be nurtured and enhanced, and through a series of special exercises they demonstrate the ways in which musicians can achieve exact intonation, artistic phrasing, and improved technique.

There are also chapters on ensemble playing, improvisation, composition and creativity. All of these along with listening skills – an essential part of the Inner Game – are discussed throughout.
A methodology with a proven track record, The Inner Game of Music will be invaluable to anyone seriously interested in music, whether professional or amateur, composer, performer, or simply an appreciative listener.

My Thoughts: I found this book to be fascinating, both as a musician and a music teacher. It's been around for about 30 years so as I was reading it, I recognized several of the ideas and suggestions as things I've heard before in music lessons and ensembles, which was awesome! Reading this book also helped me realize WHY I hated my flute teacher so much. I started with him, then went to several other teachers, and when my mom sent me back to him, I bawled for like an hour. The reason? He was no fun at ALL! I didn't enjoy my lessons, I didn't understand what was wrong with how I played something, only that he would make me play it again and again until I "got it right" even though I still never could tell the difference. This book reminds us that first and foremost, music should be enjoyable, and there are lots of things you can do to make it more fun. Also, teaching works best when the student is led to their own discoveries, instead of being told "Do this, do that, that was wrong, that was right."

I particularly enjoyed the way the book encourages you to let feeling come into your music, to kind of let go and let your body take over, shove your mind to the side. I definitely need improvement in that area. There were so many awesome ideas on how to overcome nervousness, difficult musical challenges, etc. There's too much to even summarize!

There is one quote I really loved. In a chapter on improving the quality of musical experience, the author discusses the difficult of getting stuck in a rehearsal that is not challenging you. This has happened to most of us at one time or another. Here's what he said "I can always choose to find challenge in what would otherwise seem boring circumstances." For example, if your part is not interesting, memorize it, listen more carefully to the other parts and how yours fits in, etc. 

If you are a musician or music teacher, I highly recommend picking up this book and giving it a glance-through. You may learn something!

The People Code

Author: Dr. Taylor Hartman
Pages: 301
Rating: G

Summary:
In his life-changing book, Dr. Taylor Hartman introduces you to the People Code and why people do what they do. The concept of Motive is a fresh method for analyzing your own innate personality as well as that of those around you. You then have the ability to utilize that knowledge to improve workplace and personal relationships. As an author, psychologist, and leadership coach, Dr. Hartman offers a remarkably astute system for segmenting everyone into specific Motive-types denoted by a color: Red (power wielders), Blue (do-gooders), White (peacekeepers), and Yellow (fun lovers). He then explains how to ensure that all possible alliances between them function at optimum effectiveness. If you struggle with self-acceptance and have questions about why you and others act the way you do, Dr. Hartman and The People Code can help you maximize your life success by improving your day-to-day relationships.

My Thoughts: I have read a lot of books that claim to be able to tell me all about my personality and why I act the way I do (Birth Order Book, anyone?). However, I must say, this is the best so far. I felt like I actually really resonated with my color (blue) and can see how my actions throughout my life have reflected my driving motive (intimacy). I love how after you figure out your color, there's a full description of the positive and negative traits of each color so that you can really see who  you are. Even if the quiz at first is inconclusive, reading through the descriptions helps a lot. At first I was unsure what color I truly was, but after reading more, I realized I am definitely blue. I thought it was just fascinating, and gave me so many insights about how to interact with others and what to expect from various relationships. I can't give this book enough thumbs up. Like I said, I've read MANY personality analysis books, and I've done those "color tests" they make you do in school or sometimes the work place, and nothing has helped me understand myself better than this book has. You can take the test for free online, if you want. I highly, highly recommend this book. It has a chapter in the back for employers and another one for educators to see how these concepts can be applied in a work setting. I think it's also invaluable to parents. Give this a try! 

Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy

Author: Emily Bazelon
Pages: 319
Rating: PG-13 only because she talks about suicide some and also some of the narrative from middle and high school students includes foul language.

Summary: Being a teenager has never been easy, but in recent years, with the rise of the Internet and social media, it has become exponentially more challenging. Bullying, once thought of as the province of queen bees and goons, has taken on new, complex, and insidious forms, as parents and educators know all too well.

No writer is better poised to explore this territory than Emily Bazelon, who has established herself as a leading voice on the social and legal aspects of teenage drama. In Sticks and Stones,she brings readers on a deeply researched, clear-eyed journey into the ever-shifting landscape of teenage meanness and its sometimes devastating consequences. The result is an indispensable book that takes us from school cafeterias to courtrooms to the offices of Facebook, the website where so much teenage life, good and bad, now unfolds.

Along the way, Bazelon defines what bullying is and, just as important, what it is not. She explores when intervention is essential and when kids should be given the freedom to fend for themselves. She also dispels persistent myths: that girls bully more than boys, that online and in-person bullying are entirely distinct, that bullying is a common cause of suicide, and that harsh criminal penalties are an effective deterrent. Above all, she believes that to deal with the problem, we must first understand it.

Blending keen journalistic and narrative skills, Bazelon explores different facets of bullying through the stories of three young people who found themselves caught in the thick of it. Thirteen-year-old Monique endured months of harassment and exclusion before her mother finally pulled her out of school. Jacob was threatened and physically attacked over his sexuality in eighth grade—and then sued to protect himself and change the culture of his school. Flannery was one of six teens who faced criminal charges after a fellow student’s suicide was blamed on bullying and made international headlines. With grace and authority, Bazelon chronicles how these kids’ predicaments escalated, to no one’s benefit, into community-wide wars. Cutting through the noise, misinformation, and sensationalism, she takes us into schools that have succeeded in reducing bullying and examines their successful strategies. The result is a groundbreaking book that will help parents, educators, and teens themselves better understand what kids are going through today and what can be done to help them through it.

My Thoughts:
I feel like the summary up there did its job well. I thought the book was really informative and interesting, particulary the first two parts where Bazelon chronicles the bullying experiences of Monique, Jacob, and Flannery. Bullying is indeed much more complicated than we sometimes think it is. Often, kids don't even realize that what they are doing IS bullying, as was the case with Monique's tormentors. They called it "drama." Other times, the bullying becomes a problem because the victim has depression or other problems that make the effects of bullying worse. Their tormentors don't realize how weak their victim is, and therefore, push them over the edge without meaning to. It becomes a problem when the "bullies" see their victim as an equal and so they don't consider what they are doing to be bullying. However, the victim may not see the relationship the same way.

Bazelon warns us of blaming every teen suicide on bullying. Often, even though bullying was involved, there were many other factors contributing to the suicide, and it is not fair to blame it solely on bullies. I just thought the entire exploration was really fascinating, and helped me to look at bullying in a new way. There are also solutions and study results listed in the back of the book. I was pleased to see that the school I work at implements one of the most highly recommended bully-prevention programs. I still think we could stand to improve a little, but what school is perfect?

I don't really recall ever being bullied or bullying anyone myself, or even being aware that bullying was happening at my school when I was a kid, but maybe I'm just a head-in-the-clouds type of person and it all just flew right over my head. I remember certain kids that I may have made fun of once or twice, or being made fun of once or twice myself, but never to an extent that it could be called bullying. The online world definitely extends the reach of bullies today, which makes it all the more important for parents to monitor their child's online activities. It's also important to be aware of what is and is not considered bullying, although the book makes clear that if it's mean, an adult should do something about it, whether its bullying or not. We should not allow bad treatment of others to escalate into bullying.

I highly recommend this book to anyone with teenagers, or who is in the teaching profession. It was very enlightening, especially since I don't have a lot of experience with bullying personally.

All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

Authour: Jennifer Senior
Pages: 265
Summary:

Thousands of books have examined the effects of parents on their children. In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior now asks: what are the effects of children on their parents?

In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior tries to tackle this question, isolating and analyzing the many ways in which children reshape their parents' lives, whether it's their marriages, their jobs, their habits, their hobbies, their friendships, or their internal senses of self. She argues that changes in the last half century have radically altered the roles of today's mothers and fathers, making their mandates at once more complex and far less clear.

Recruiting from a wide variety of sources—in history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology—she dissects both the timeless strains of parenting and the ones that are brand new, and then brings her research to life in the homes of ordinary parents around the country. The result is an unforgettable series of family portraits, starting with parents of young children and progressing to parents of teens. Through lively and accessible storytelling, Senior follows these mothers and fathers as they wrestle with some of parenthood's deepest vexations—and luxuriate in some of its finest rewards.

Meticulously researched yet imbued with emotional intelligence, All Joy and No Fun makes us reconsider some of our culture's most basic beliefs about parenthood, all while illuminating the profound ways children deepen and add purpose to our lives. By focusing on parenthood, rather than parenting, the book is original and essential reading for mothers and fathers of today—and tomorrow.

My Thoughts:  I thought this book was fascinating, but that may be just because I am really interested in the ways our behavior is shaped and changed based on our home environment. I thought it was a  really neat viewpoint to take - how do children effect their parents? There isn't exactly any parenting advice in this book, more just information. And information always helps me to understand actions. There's more of an explanation of why parents are often frustrated with their teenagers and what this can mean for parental relationships as well as other relationships in the family.

Senior also explores the development of the modern childhood. Childhood as we know it is relatively new on the scene. It didn't start to emerge until the 1940's. Up until then, children were primarily workers and people had them out of  a sense of duty, but also to add more helping hands to the family. Now that we are able to control when we have children and how many we have, they have become more of a coveted commodity when they finally do arrive. Combine that with child labor laws, and children really don't have much of a purpose besides learning about the world around them. Parents are having to adjust their parenting techniques to an ever changing world, as technology evolves faster than we can keep up with it. Reading this book and seeing how the different families struggled with how to raise their children made me grateful for the gospel and how it gives us a framework for how families should be run and what moral values to teach our children. That's never going to go out of style.

If parenting and child development are your thing, I would definitely recommend this book to you. I thought it was just fascinating to read.

How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character

Author: Paul Tough
Pages: 197
Rating: G

Summary:
The story we usually tell about childhood and success is the one about intelligence: success comes to those who score highest on tests, from preschool admissions to SATs.

But in How Children Succeed, Paul Tough argues that the qualities that matter most have more to do with character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, and self-control.

How Children Succeed introduces us to a new generation of researchers and educators who, for the first time, are using the tools of science to peel back the mysteries of character. Through their stories—and the stories of the children they are trying to help—Tough traces the links between childhood stress and life success. He uncovers the surprising ways in which parents do—and do not—prepare their children for adulthood. And he provides us with new insights into how to help children growing up in poverty.

Early adversity, scientists have come to understand, can not only affect the conditions of children’s lives, it can alter the physical development of their brains as well. But now educators and doctors around the country are using that knowledge to develop innovative interventions that allow children to overcome the constraints of poverty. And with the help of these new strategies, as Tough’s extraordinary reporting makes clear, children who grow up in the most painful circumstances can go on to achieve amazing things.

This provocative and profoundly hopeful book has the potential to change how we raise our children, how we run our schools, and how we construct our social safety net. It will not only inspire and engage readers, it will also change our understanding of childhood itself.

My Thoughts: I found this book completely fascinating. I was seriously hooked from beginning to end. The only thing I have against the book is that there are a lot of explanations of WHY kids sometimes don't succeed, or detailed explanations of certain programs that work, but not a lot of information about how to help the kids in your own personal life succeed. There are a few tips about that, but not too many. However, I still found the entire thing fascinating. It gave me a better understanding of the disadvantages that kids in poverty deal with  and that seem impossible to overcome.

The book also argues something that I have been feeling for a long time. No matter how much we reform schools, there's really only so much the school system can do. We need to have parents involved, and really try to improve the quality of each of these kids' lives.

On a personal level, there's a lot in the book about the types of character strengths kids need in order to succeed. These strengths turn out to be better predictors of success than IQ or (surprise surprise) standardized test scores! Basically, kids need to learn when they are young how to properly manage stressful situations, and how to learn from their failures and move on. In order to do this, we have to ALLOW them to fail at some things. So, parents should be sure not to hover, but to be there when stressful situations arise, to comfort, talk through, and help the children deal with the disappointment or failure, or hurt.

I would definitely recommend this. It's written by a talented journalist, so it reads easy, even though there is a lot of research shoved in there. It never becomes dry or overly statistical. I recommend this one.

The End of Molasses Classes: Getting Our Kids Unstuck--101 Extraordinary Solutions for Parents and Teachers

Author: Ron Clark
Pages: 317
Rating: G

Summary:
I often say I am a schoolteacher with the heart of a parent. I’ve made it my mission to make a difference in the lives of all of our children. I have traveled throughout our country, visiting schools in all 50 states, seeking out remarkable teachers who inspire our children to greatness.

 Sadly, I have also witnessed classrooms that seemed sapped of all energy, filled with students struggling to stay awake and teachers in desperate need of inspiration. These “Molasses Classes” broke my heart.
I had to do something! I decided to leave my classroom in East Harlem, New York, and devote my time to this audacious dream: to create a revolution in our country, starting from the ground up. The heart of this change would be a school, unlike any in the world. It would be full of passion, creativity, energy, and an unparalleled freedom to do whatever it took to lead every child to success. The parents and teachers of this school would forge a true partnership with the intent of providing the best learning environment possible.

I am proud to say that dream—the Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta, Georgia, is now a reality. We welcome educators from all over the world to visit and learn from our methods and techniques so that they may take them back to their schools. I am still teaching, every day, and I feel honored to have hosted more than 10,000 educators in my classroom. This book is filled with the magic, the successes, the heartbreaks, the mistakes, and the triumphs that are the Ron Clark Academy. These are the 101 most successful strategies we have used to help uplift our children and enliven our classrooms. My hope is that you will find ideas here that will help you ignite a passion for learning in your children—and together we can get the molasses out of all our children’s classes.

My Thoughts: This book was awesome. I honestly want to gift-wrap this book and give it to every teacher and administrator and parent in the world. Even though it's a book mostly about a school, there are some awesome ideas in there for parents as well. In fact, there's an entire section of the book full of tips that are specifically about "The Role of the Parent in the Success of the Child" and all the tips are about how you personally can help your child succeed. It also raises a lot of important points about how busted the education system in this country is, and I feel like it inspired me to push for changes in the schools around me, even if they are just small changes. When I have my own children I'm sending to school, I will keep in mind a lot of the ideas in this book, and try not to send them somewhere where their creativity and confidence will be squashed.

Some of my favorite tips from the book are:
-Teach children to believe in themselves and don't destroy the dream
-Not every child deserves a cookie
-Uplift other adults who play a role in the lives of our children
-See the potential in every child.
-Accept the fact that if kids like you all the time, then you're doing something wrong.

I actually have some hope in the fact that my middle school had a few things in place that the book suggests. My middle school had a mural on every wall. It was awesome. My band director had pictures pretty much wallpapering the back wall of the bandroom. Pictures from years past, trips, students, everything. It was every kid's hope to eventually have their picture on the wall. So...there are schools out there that are better than others. Just knowing what to look for helps. 

I recommend this book to EVERYONE who ever plans to have a child in their life at some point. It's really thought-provoking, even if you don't think all of the ideas will work for you, some of them definitely will.